I gotta big Ego!!

The theme of this post is how I get what I want, and how concieted I am. If something is wrong with that, stop reading HERE.

If you are still reading I am assuming you have come to terms with my ridiculousness, and there is a reason we are friends. Congratulations. Who knew that little Bountiful could spice up my weekend so much?! The following events will be relayed as accurately as possible so you too can experience an enlarged ego, even if only momentarily. Okay...some of these things are actually ego crushers. Just go with it.

  SCRATCH THAT

I just realized that in order to make ya'll realize why I was feeling so good about myself, I would have to put down other people and that is not about to happen. I will still tell you the same things, but the toned down filtered version.

First things first: Fresca does not belong in your eye under any circumstances. It feels like acid, and you will writhe in pain. Some of you may be thinking, "Huh. That's an interesting point to make. Kind of random. I bet she's right though." Duh. I'm right. This is MY blog. Don't question my authority... I literally shot Fresca out of a straw, and into my eye. On Friday afternoon I was eating lunch with Lauren and Landon in the Wilk when Lauren informed me that our group of friends was going to be watching The Strangers that night. Under any normal circumstances I would have brushed it off and said "Cool...we watch movies all the time..." But no. These were not normal circumstances. We have been trying to find a time that would work for all of us to get together and watch The Strangers, and of course the day they choose, I'm headed to Bountiful. I guess this news made me a little more distraught than I originally anticipated, because I squeezed my paper cup so hard, that my straw turned into the Mt. Vesuvius of carbonated drinks. That soda shot straight into my eye and a lot of things started happening at once. I screamed, my eye started watering like it was nobody's business, everyone started laughing, and Lauren took her phone out. I think she was either going to take a picture or record my spaz attack, but she was laughing too hard to function. Maybe I'm wrong and she just had her phone out, but this post is all about me remember? haha While all this was happening I somehow managed to maintain all rational thought and had the following conversation with myself, "FREEEEEEEAK! My eye is on FIRE. Oh. My. Gosh. MY EYE IS ON FIRE! Rylie, that is impossible, your eye is not on fire, it is just being burned by acid. Acid? ACID? How is acid better than fire?! Uh....Beaca...crap. My eye is watering. I'm about to go from "Soda Girl" to "Raccoon Lady" if I let this make up run. Napkins. I need napkins!! Someone give me napkins! -funny thing is I never actually said that line out loud-Rylie, no one has napkins. They are all laughing at you. I know!! Look at them, Landon probably thinks I'm psycho, Lauren is lovin it. I guess it is actually pretty funny...Eye. Watering. Napkins. No napkins. FINGER. Wipe your eye with the side of your finger! FINE. I really wish I a napkin though. Or long sleeves...I can't wait to tell my mom about this. I get to leave in an hour! Sweeeeet." No joke. I had that conversation with myself in less than 5 seconds. After I regained my composure random girl #1 asked what my name was. I told her and she said "Okay. I just wanted to know but I'll probably still call you Soda Girl when I talk to my friends." Okay. World-1, Rylie-0. But really I provided them with top notch entertainment and a good belly laugh is priceless, so the score stands at World-1, Rylie-10.

Later that night I was pleasantly surprised by an invite to the Dew Tour (surprised because I did not have the inviters number, and as far as I knew he didn't have mine. and he's hot). The Dew Tour had actually ended and we were really only going to a concert. Mac Miller. Classy Guy. I recommend that all impressionable teens who hang out with hoodlums you could find in a dark ally listen to him. It'll really improve their behavior. NOT. Everyone was about 16, and high as a kite. Despite the pot(and other illegal drugs), girls passing out, creative usage of our favorite 4 letter words, and random brawls, it was a lot of fun. I secretly love that scene. Good thing I have not, and will never touch alcohol or drugs or else I'd be the girl we passed passing out fliers for a naked party. Thank you Cecil O. Samuelson for the honor code. Keeping me ahead of the game, and only second hand high one concert at a time. Hoorah. World-2, Rylie-11. We both get a point. Give a little, take a little. 

I got my nails done-full set. Whoever needs a good back scratching, come on over. I swear that is what acrylics were invented for. That and to make you feel fancy. 2-12

I found the PERFECT pair of jeans. When I say perfect, I really mean it. They fit me like a glove, and I am convinced they were made and put on the racks of Nordstrom just for me to find. I also got a shirt, sweater and skirt. All equally great. Imma be stylin back in Happy Valley. 2-20

Saturday night was...interesting...I went to see Breaking Dawn at the dollar theater in Sugar House with my 17 year old sister and her friends. Even though I rank in seniority, I somehow managed to be put on troll patrol in the back seat. She's lucky I was there. If not, she'd be half way to Vegas by now still looking for Exit 126. After my blood pressure and anxiety levels had returned to normal when we were safe and sound at the theater, I offered (DEMANDED) to drive back home after the movie. All things considered, the movie wasn't that bad. Yes it is horribly cheesy, but there is no way to make those movies without an extreme cheese factor. I don't do team Edward or team Jacob, but I am all about Bella's wedding and honeymoon. Where do I sign up? 5-20

 And that brings us to today. Generally I have mixed emotions about the Mills Park YSA ward*******FILTER********* but today I was feeling it. We had a ward linger longer after church that definitely worked out in my behalf. At the end of relief society one of the girls walked to the front of the room holding the ties of EVERY guy in our ward. My heart sunk **********FILTER********* basically there is a reason it is called singles ward. My plan was to pick the tie of one of my friends so I would not have to endure the painful embarrassment that accompanies small talk and Hawaiian haystacks. No such luck. They started passing out the ties and all I could think was "PLEEEEASE let me get Ringo's tie. PLEASE." Ringo is not really his name. I just made that up. Privacy is the best policy after all.  For some reason my cool new bishop decided that I am socially competent enough that I could handle the excitement of 2 ties. 2! In Laman's terms, that meant that I would have to walk into the cultural hall and find the MEN who were the owners of those 2 ties. Uh. Yikes. I literally had butterflies. Instead of being proactive me, I stood by the stage and became the wall flower while the previously deemed "sweet spirits" went to find their matches. I just hoped that someone would see me with their tie and come take it out of my hand. I was terrified, which was really weird seeing as how men are usually my strong suit. I still can't explain it! But what do you know? I HAD RINGO'S TIE haha I breathed I sigh of relief and just had to laugh to myself. I got exactly what I wanted. I quickly threw the other tie at my sweet relief society president because she didn't have one. How nice of me ;) One of my teachers from high school serves in our bishopric and informed Ringo that I payed him 10 bucks to find out which tie was his. Not true, but once again I just had to laugh to myself about how nicely things worked out. World-10, Rylie-25

Even though I ended up on top, my mom sufficiently humbled me with the reminder that she can pull out pictures from my 5th and 6th grade years at any moment. That deflated my big head reeeal fast. Those horrors are reserved for my immediate family and select others only. If anyone were to see those they wouldn't want my tie, shoe, necklace, or anything that could potentially hook them up with their EC at a linger longer. So here I am. Regular Rylie. Hero to zero in no time flat. Hero to zero just like that.