What do we do with the bodies?

I have a bad habit of watching Criminal Minds right before I go to bed. I'm obsessed with crime shows, especially that one, and there is just something about watching it in the darkness of my room that makes it that much more exciting. Well, last week I was settled into my bed, all cuddled up in my blankets, starting an episode when I got a very strange text. Now for those of you who aren't crime show junkies, get on the band wagon, aaaaaaand just know that the first couple minutes are usually the most intense. People get killed. Now as I'm sitting there watching a girl get murdered with some creepy cerimonial knife I get this text...

"So...what should we do with the bodies?"

I freeeeeaked out. More out of how ironic the timing of this text from a mysterious sender was, but it was slightly creepy too. Did they know I was watching people die....? Could they see me right that moment?! I HAD to text back to find out who it was, and the following is our conversation. Probably the most entertaining I have had in a while. 

***Please note: No bodies were actually in our possession or needing to be disposed of***

 

Mystery Man: So what should we do with the bodies?

Me: Dude...you can't just say those things. The police can track us! I thought we were just going to dump them. Did you forget the shovel?

Mystery Man: All I had was one of those toy shovels! Can't do much with one of those...unless you wanna just dump them in the lake, ya know, tie down the limbs with cement blocks.

Me: You are so imcompetent. A toy shovel? Really? Did I find you at Toys-R-Us or something...? You do pose a good point though. Not a lot of swimmer in December, buuuuuuuut the freezing water will just preserve the bodies....

Mystery Man: Shucks! Well, unless you wanna put them through a wood chipper... I mean, it's a messy job to clean up, but...no traces, no evidence, no problem...aside from the crazy amount of blood and bone particles. And flesh.

***2 minutes later***

Mystery Man: Or barrels of acid like Jeffry Dahmer.

Me: Do you have any connections at the zoo? I feel like the bloody body chips could be slipped into the lion food and no one would ever know the difference! I don't know where we would get mass amounts of acid...barrels even. That's a ton!

Mystery Man: Well if some low life Wisconsinite can get a few barrels of acid, psh, I dunno why we couldn't! Unless we just get...better shovels?

Me: Shovels. Hands down. Much easier to get a hold of, and if worst comes to worst they're a lot easier to frame other people with. I can't imagine trying to talk myself out of acid possession.  

Mystery Man: Wait, frame? How could we pull that off??

Me: Mm...I'm not exactly sure. I'm kinda new to the heinous crime scene! Anyone you're particularly mad at?

Mystery Man: Todd Parker?

Me: Who is Todd Parker?

Mystery Man: The guy we can put the blame on of course!

Me: For all I know Todd Parker could be a hunk of man! There aren't a lot of those in the world...it would be a same to see one go to waste!

Mystery Man: Well it is better for one to parish than an entire nation.......right?

Me: Oooo....way to whip that doctrine out! I guess he probably deserves it. Where do we find him? 

Mystery Man: At his home! Wait...we can place the dirty shovel in his hands while he's fast asleep! Yes...yes....a narcoleptic sleep walker, burying victims he had killed in his sleep...mm...it's almost too perfect

And then I fell asleep. Such a shame too. Our conversation was going so well ;) The next day I found out who it was and gave him props for his very sneaky and slightly creepy conversation starter. So there's that haha

In other news...I was talking to a friend of mine about what movie we should go see, and he asked what the movie Lincoln was about. I quickly responded, "The Prophet!!" Uh...everyone please take a moment to mourn over that tragic mistake. Totes didn't mean prophet. Honest Abe was definitely president of the United States. #mormonproblems. I'm convinced that is a mistake no other culture or religion could make. I told my mom and she about busted a gut. I was laying on her bed in distress that such words were uttered from my mouth and all she could do was laugh. I mean....they drill the prophet song into your head starting day one of primary.

"Latter day prophets are number one-Joseph Smith, then Brigham Young..." 

You know the one, I know the one, so I'm really not sure what I was thinking.