Refections on ROMANIA!

This year, the thing I am most grateful for is the opportunity I had to live in Romania during the summer. Words cannot express how incredibly blessed and thankful I feel for having been able to participate in such an adventure. In just three months I learned more about myself, and gained a better understanding of the atonement of Jesus Christ than I could have imagined. 

I have only one regret, and that is that I could not have every one of you alongside me to witness the miracles that surrounded the sweet spirits of the kids I worked with on a daily basis. Those children are the most innocent and pure spirits I have ever come in contact with, and there is no denying that our Heavenly Father is very aware of their circumstances and is keeping a close eye on them. After I got home, I made the joke that I'll never be able to fall in love because my heart was captured and divided into 19 equal pieces that I left in Romania. I still believe it. When my three months was up and it was time to say goodbye, I was devastated. I had come to love every single one of those kids in a way that I hadn't loved anyone before; a way that I didn't know I could love! 

When people learn that I spent my summer living and working in Romania and ask what I did there, I tell them "I loved babies." They kind of laugh and continue on to ask if I enjoyed my experiences there and what my favorite things were, and I'll tell them, but I wish they could understand how truly incredible it was. The things that make our life experiences so memorable aren't the individual experiences themselves, but the feelings that we have during those experiences. On paper, my duties in Romania consisted of changing countless diapers, changing sheets and clothes crusted with the remnants of rancid feeding tubes, wiping throw up, snot, urine and many other fluids off of the kids and coercing a few of them to eat a foul smelling mush that they were fed for lunch everyday, but it was so so SOOOOOOO much for than that.

The things that can't be written down are the things I loved the most about working in the orphanage. Seeing Baby Girl's face light up in recognition when I walked into the Isolation room in the morning. Hearing Mega Mind's laugh and seeing his mischievous smile as I placed my hand on his chest; not even tickling. The physical touch alone making him burst at the seams! The quiet moments sat rocking a sick baby to sleep and having them stare straight into my eyes and reach up to gently touch my face. The hilarious reaction on my Princess as she went outside for the first time in her three years of life and felt the wind on her face. The heartbreak I felt and the tears I couldn't stop from flowing when a two year old no longer recognized or responded to her own father as he called to her. The panic you feel when you see the crib of a sick child empty and bare, or even holding a dying child in your arms. Being the one to witness a child's first steps and screaming out of excitement. It is these moments, the almost trivial moments, that I hold the closest to my heart. I could spend my whole life describing a single instance in tremendous detail trying to re-create the situation, but it would never be the same. 

The fact is, interns have been there before, and interns quickly followed after I left. But somehow, I was the only one to witness those special moments and milestones in these kids lives and care for them in the way I did. No one can replicate the experiences I had and the feelings I felt, and that is part of why this experience is so near and dear to my heart. I left knowing I had an impact for good.

I wish I could share pictures of my babies with you...like, A LOT. You would fall in love in an instant. 

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My experiences in Romania would not have been the same without these girls by my side.
(Notice how I'm about to compensate for an overabundance of words with an extreme overabundance of pictures...)

Ropes course in Brasov

Random gingerbread house in the mall :)

Constanta

We LOVED the rain!

More rain..

On our way to Marmurres

Aimee and I slept like this the whole night. I had been put in a different train compartment and couldn't stand to be separated. R.A.D. anyone?

Branch activity at the lake

We're the annoying ones who have a photo shoot anywhere we have a camera...

Helping break world records at the lantern festival :)

Sibiu

The opened a new mall that could eat City Creek alive. Fountains and all.

Constanta! Swimmin in the Black Sea!

Like I said, we're obsessed.

 So there ya have it. A lot of pictures of the same girls over and over and that's not even close to half of it. I am SO honored to have met these girls and to have become such great friends with them. As far as roommates in a foreign country go, they are as good as they come :) The thing I am most grateful to them for is the example they set in their scripture study. Before I left the United States, I read my scriptures and prayed, but I wasn't diligent by any means. Every morning in Romania I would wake up and see Aimee and Kelsey reading their scriptures and then kneeling down to pray as I was getting ready. For some reason I was extra impressed by the fact that they knelt down...it was something I had never really done before. Before I knew it I had fallen into the same pattern of reading my scriptures right when I woke up, and kneeling on our hard dirty floor to pray. My roommates and I began reminding each other to pray before leaving for the orphanage each morning and I am so glad we did. I cannot imagine going through each day on the continual emotional roller coaster that it was without having an added measure of the spirit to bring comfort, and put little thoughts into my head to make it that much easier. 

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I'm thankful for good music. Hymns and primary songs in particular. Because I worked with the lil' babies, I couldn't do a lot of playing, so I spent my days singing, rocking, and bouncing. One of the first songs that came to mind the first day I worked in Iso was I am a Child of God. The first time I tried to sing it I was holding a smiling baby with humongous brown eyes....

I am a child of God,
And He has sent me here.
Has given me an earthly home,
With....parents kind and dear....

I couldn't do it. I started crying. It just wasn't fair. Here was this perfect child (she was one of the few in my room who did not have a disability) who had been given a body and was sent down to earth to learn, yet she wasn't being given a chance. She DIDN'T have parents kind and dear. She didn't have ANYONE kind and dear. The orphanage workers didn't exactly care, and I was only a temporary solution to a long term problem. All she could do is sit in her crib and rock herself for stimulation. I didn't get it. How could anyone have a baby and not love it. How could someone just abandon such a helpless tiny thing, and not give her a second thought. How could any parents do that do any of those kids?! Especially the ones with disabilities. I refused to sing that song for a solid week as thoughts of confusion tumbled around my brain, but as I quickly sang through my limited repertoire, the words of I am a Child of God would begin to slip out. 

 I am a child of God,
And He has sent me here.
Has given me an earthly home,
With angels always near. 
Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do,
To live with Him someday.

I did it. I changed the words to a classic primary favorite. As I sang my rendition of this song, I was filled with so much peace, and I knew the words that I was singing were true. These children who appeared neglected and unwanted were indeed wanted, and were NOT neglected. They were cared for by a Heavenly Father who provided them with all the love and support they were in need of which was more than I could ever offer. I have no doubt that those children are surrounded by angles, who will one day lift them up to finally meet their Father. 

The second song I became attached to near the end of my internship was God Be With You Till We Meet Again. My roommates hated me for it. I remember Kelsey telling me to turn it off because it was depressing, and I said no. She sulked off to her room, and I kept listening. It was the only way for me to cope. I LOVED my kids. The thought of leaving them literally made me sick...I was terrified of what would happen to them after we left. It wasn't at all like it was when I said goodbye to my family. With my family, I knew I would see them again in three short months. These kids...I knew I would probably never see them again, and the only parts of them I could take with me were my memories. It was destroying me. As I sang this song to my kids, I sang it with a prayer in my heart.
Please Heavenly Father, PLEASE stay with them.
My song was also my promise. I was promising my babies that I would see them again. I would not forget about them. That God would be with them, protecting them under his wings from the cruel world that they were being subjected to. Till we would meet once again at Jesus' feet. 
The day I hugged my kids goodbye marks the day for the hardest I have ever cried in my life. The moment I got home from the orphanage I dropped to my knees and prayed. Prayed and cried, prayed and cried...for a long time. Then I listened to this song and miraculously felt at peace once again...

In the movie The Other Side of Heaven, there is a scene where this song is played. A few weeks ago I watched this movie with some boys in my ward, aaaaaaaand I lost it. As I heard those words for the first time since being home, I couldn't help but reflect on the the sweet spirits I had the privlidge to come in contact with, and the many spiritual experiences that I had. Luckily the song hit a sweet spot with one of my friends who had been reflecting on his own mission, so I wasn't the only one who was teary eyed.

I am grateful for the opportunity that I had to interact so closely with the missionaries while living in Romania. I have always appreciated how hard missionaries work, and the sacrifices that they make to do the Lord's errand, but it wasn't until I saw this missionary work in action that I came to fully understand it's significance. The church really is true. There is no way that so many miracles could happen, and that a church that is spread all over the world could continue to function if it wasn't.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! What are YOU grateful for?!

Sorry for the not so eloquent ending, but mom says I've got rolls to make...