Little Discoveries.

What I am about to say may offend some of you. So, if you are easily offended by talk of bodily functions, I suggest you stop reading. HERE.

Now...for those of you who are STILL reading, consider that your only warning. I have no intention of being crude, gross, or immature even though it might come off that way. 

What I am about to tell you comes from the most naive, innocent, childlike and uneducated corner of my soul...

On Sunday I learned something that completely altered the way I look at men.

I learned that they can pee...SITTING DOWN.

GUUUUUUYS. I had NO idea. How on earth did I make it through 21 years of life with out knowing something so basic?! The guys that filled me in on this little tidbit were pretty amused. And confused. How it's possible that this thought had never crossed my mind I really don't know....I blame my complete lack of knowledge on the fact that I don't have any brothers. And I wasn't on spying on guys in the high school locker room. Ew. I have a zillion guy friends, but that obviously didn't help educate me. About male peeing habits anyway...All the pee jokes that are ever made have to do with how guys can stand up to pee, but girls have to sit down. Not ONCE did I hear about guys sitting on the porcelain throne unless it was to take a dump. And let me tell you. I have heard more than my fair share of poop jokes...

Buuuuut now I know. Men can sit and pee! It makes sense...it really does. I'm still slightly embarrassed to admit I could have been so oblivious to the species that I am surrounded by on a daily basis (BYU Football study-hall anyone...?) Looking back, my logic was VERYVERYVERYVERYVERY flawed. Josh, Matt and Brett made this painfully obvious when I tried to explain to them what I had been thinking, and all they could do was laugh. HA. HA. 

It is kind of funny though...I'm not sure what cracks me up more. The flawed logic inspired by my inadequate knowledge of the average penis size and testicular behavior, or the fact that I thought I knew everything there was to know about the male anatomy only to have a bomb like this dropped on me. Maybe it's not so funny...actually, nooooo. Not funny at all. That is terrifying. I don't want to know what kind of earth shattering gems marriage holds in store. 

So...we'll leave it at that. No need to go in to too much detail right? After all, ALL of you are much more informed than I am. Ughhh. 

In other news...

I was late to church on Sunday because my apartment was 51 degrees when I woke up. That is an in humane temperature that no one should have to experience. EVER. I'm pretty sure that is colder than we keep our condo...THAT NO ONE LIVES IN. I was literally too cold to function, and waaaaay too cold to sleep so I cranked the heat up, added 3 blankets to my bed and sat there shivering for another half hour until the apartment reached a balmy 64 degrees. Please note the oozing sarcasm. That night in my prayers I thanked Heavenly Father for not sending me to this earth as a pioneer. As silly as it may sound it was one of the most sincere prayers I have offered in a while. Several mornings this winter when I have spanned the frigid tundra from the Marriot Center parking lot to the JKB I have thought about the pioneers crossing the plains-flashes from the movie 17 Miracles in my mind, and all the sacrifices they made. I have expensive coats and boots that are insulated against the snow and cold. They had shawls and thin leather shoes...if they were lucky. Thinking about the conditions that they faced and how miserable that must have been was enough to literally bring me to tears one day. I could NOT have done it. I would have been one of the ones to sit down giving up all hope to freeze to death. This winter I am thankful for a cold apartment that CAN be heated no matter how temperamental the thermostat can be, blankets, and warm clothing that I can layer on until I look like the Michelin Man. 

I loooooooove juicing. I got a juicer for Christmas, and to say I am obsessed is an understatement. It is so quick and easy, and so far there has been only 1 juicy concoction that was hard to get down. The rest have been amazing! I made "Blushing Carrot" juice this morning and daaaaaaaaaaang. It takes the number one slot. Hands down!! A lot of people have asked me if I am doing an all juice diet or cleanse, and the answer is NO. The mom of one of my best friends in high school was a juicer, and that is how I got introduced to the concept. I remember one day she gave us fresh apple juice and I thought it was amazingly delicious. It was so fresh, and it was obvious there weren't any preservatives or other artificial things in it. It's not that I hate eating vegetables, I just don't exactly like it. Or do it. Ever. I try, but I'm very picky when it comes to how a lot of them are prepared, and lezbi honest (Pitch Perfect reference anyone!?) ; When I'm starving after class I'm going straight for the PB&J. NOT a stalk of celery. But, I am happy to announce, I am a changed woman! Or...a changing woman haha ever since I got my juicer I'm downing vegetables like it is nobody's business, and I can tell the difference in my body! I usually drink 2 or 3 glasses of juice a day, plus my regular pathetic meals. They're not lying when they say vegetables are good for you! Great things are happening over here :)

Lastly, I have been called as a gospel doctrine teacher. PLEASE send all your prayers and good vibes my way! I don't know what it is, but me and public speaking just don't go well together. Remember that time that I completely froze while giving my oral presentation in MCOM...? Yeaa. Me too. It's another one of life's unanswered questions.  I am super sociable and outgoing, but the thought of teaching petrifies me. I went to teacher training this past Sunday and I was a hot mess...I had butterflies, I was shaking, and I was even slightly nauseous just thinking about teaching. I'm all for reading scriptures, quotes...even sharing personal experiences...but when it's my turn to take the reigns, uhhuh. No can do. There is a reason I haven't given a talk in sacrament meeting since I was 13, almost 14 ;) For all you kids out there who don't want to do the math, that's almost 8 years. EIGHT! On the off chance you sit in on one of my lessons, I'll offer you one piece of advice if you do me a solid. Don't sit in the splash zone-the first couple rows may fall victim to my tears or vomit. Not entirely sure which yet. Aaaaaand PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE make some nice comments. I'll love you forever and always!

You know how a man kissed me in front of 200 people? I SWEAR that story is coming. It's just a lot less fun to write about than it is to tell real time.