Irony at its finest

Oh
My
GOSH.

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So you know how my last post was about going to Walmart and having awkward encounters with boys I know but don't really know?!

Listen to this.

Maybe a half hour after I wrote that post, I officially "met" some of them. I was at the pool throwing a football around with some guys in my ward when my friend Camie called. She asked if she could come say hi with my other friend Emily, and mentioned she could introduce me to some hotties she knows who live here. I was all over that. So there I was throwing the football when out of the corner of my eye I saw 3 of the guys from my school walk in. Did I say anything...? NOPE :) I know I promised I would, but I was a little too busy trying to throw a good spiral.

Guess who they went and sat by?! Camie. How ironic.

She calls me over, makes introductions and then we chat for a while.

We go to Walmart and who do we see there? One of the boys! And another boy from Bountiful who I actually DO know...we don't just see them once, we see them on the garbage can isle, just walking around the store, in the check out line, and while we were getting drinks at McDonalds. In case that wasn't enough, we also saw them in my parking lot when we got back.

Told you it was ironic.

First they are complete strangers, and now...
They are semi-strangers who I just happen to see all over Happy Valley.

Heeeeey. I know you!

While I was at Walmart this morning I dropped my grocery list. Not only could I not remember everything I needed to buy, but now someone is perfectly capable of stalking the girl who needed frozen fruit and deodorant because my class schedule was on the same paper. Joy.

Anyway. I have been the Queen of awkwardness lately. Just around boys though. Usually I like to flirt and be all cutesy tootsie, but lately I've been playing the awkward card. It's not that I like being awkward and making people feel as uncomfortable as possible (including myself) I just find it amusing when I do (which has been a lot lately incase you haven't caught on to that yet) so, I just flow with it. 

Today I saw some boys that went to my high school and were seniors when I was a lil squashmore. Turns out they live in Lib Square now! Since I wasn't ever friends in them in high school, I think now is the opportune time. They're cute, I'm cute, it works out perfectly. Sorry, cutting to the chase now, so, when I saw these boys they saw me too-duh? We had one of those "I know who you are and I feel like you know who I am too but I'm not 100 percent sure if you do so I'm going to avoid eye contact at all costs and keep walking while pretending this awkward encounter never occurred" moments. At least that is how it was on my part. As soon as I got back into my apartment I was kicking myself! If I want to be friends with them communication is vital haha So, I Rylie Sandorf promise to say something next time I see them. 

August 26 means friends will move in.

Here is the debut collection of some of my best looks.
Knock yourself out.

When I grow up...

I want a diamond ring the size of a fetus head.
I want to go to dinners that cost $1000 per couple.
I want to brag about the businesses I have owned/started/sold to make my millions.
That is all.

P.S. I looked really great tonight
(Date number 2. I took my *secret crush from back in the day.)
Turquoise stone necklace
Navy/white flowy blouse
White linen blazer
Dark skinny jeans
Brown leather wedges
Matching brown bag
Hair...compliments of pintrest. My latest addiction.

*Parker, now you know! All those times you taught my tennis lessons, my tender 8th grade heart was obsessing over the fact that you were the greatest thing to happen to this world. Don't tell.

Beautiful

Shoulda, coulda, woulda

Have you ever judged something or someone, only to later find out exactly how far off your judgement was? Well folks, I experienced this first hand tonight. Behold the story of *Wade...

About a month ago I got on Face Book and had a new friend request. It was from Wade. Wade and I had one mutual friend who also happened to be my roommate. I asked my roommate about Wade and she said that he was normal and cute, but she didn't know him too well. I figured "Hey, he looks harmless enough. I guess we can be friends!" So it became face book official :) Not long after this Wade started up a conversation in chat. It went something like this...(Actually, exactly like this thanks to copy and paste.)

So I know this may come off as creepy and stockerish. I'm neither of those. Just wondering how you know *Jess..? Which is half the reason I added ya when facebook suggested you to me.

haha you just lowered your creeper status by half! keep it up! Jess is one of my roommates. how do YOU know her?

Half?! Was it really that high? She used to come down to the golf course I work at all the time!

Na...you didn't look like creep so I decided I'd accept haha if you would have looked like a weirdo your creeper stats would have been off the charts!

****Blah blah blah...we talked about ourselves and then we got around to the topic of wake surfing****

haah there's quite the sign up list for lessons though..you could be bumped up to the top for a small price though.

HA. competition?! what is this?! i think i could handle a small price...what exactly is "small"?

haah well it's seven numbers long..there's usually three numbers first then a dash then four more come after

****for about half a second I was confused and then realized he was asking for my number****

Normally I don't give my number out to just anybody. ESPECIALLY over face book. Can you say sketch...?! But something about this kid had won me over (maybe the idea of wake surfing lessons) so I gave it to him. Here's where the embarrassing judging part comes in. After our little conversation, I decided it would be best if I actually got an idea of what this kid looked like so I would know what I was getting myself into. So I face book stalked him...typical. In some pictures, Wade looked miiiiighty fine. In other pics, he barely looked average. How is it possible for someone to be so consistently  inconsistent?! (Looking back it's because some of the pictures are a bit dated, and he doesn't put every detail of his life up for people to see-hence the limited selection.)

For the next few weeks Wade would text me, we would talk for a while and then I would forget to text back. I wasn't intentionally not texting back, I would legitimately forget. I'm sure that has happened to you. You are talking to someone but aren't thaaaat interested in the conversation, you close out of the text for some reason, and next thing you know its 2 days later and your talking once again thinking, "CRAP. I totally forgot to respond...oops..." And you really do feel bad, but not bad enough to keep it from happening again. 

So that is the cycle of our textual relationship. One day he invited me to go boating, but I already had plans (boo. boating=1000000 times better than 11 hrs of volunteer work) Another time I was out to dinner with friends when he called wanting to do something later that night. I said sure and for various reasons, I had to bail. At this point you may be thinking "Wow Rylie. You are the biggest flake EVER. Annoying much?" But before you judge, let me plead my case. I wasn't intentionally leading him on and then backing out at the last second, but because I had never met this kid in real life, I had no real motivation to not be a flake. Capiche? 

Today, August 22, 2011, I hung out with Wade. I was extremely nervous going into it. I was nervous that things wouldn't jive with our personalities and conversation would be forced. I was nervous that he wouldn't be at all good looking and the whole night I would be sitting there wishing I was somewhere else. I was really hoping this wouldn't be the case because A) I'm still on the hunt for a nice man, and B) If I was wishing I was somewhere else I probably wouldn't be the best company, and I wouldn't want to ruin someone else's evening because I'm shallow!

***Phone Rings***

Hey! I'm here. I think. I'm standing in some grass by a main building I think...?

***As I'm walking out the door***

Stay where you are! I'll come and find you. Were my directions really that bad?!

***As I get to the bottom of the stairs I can see him across the courtyard but his back is turned to me***

Turn around, walk straight and come up the stairs. I see you!

***It's so dark I still can't see him as he is walking towards me***

Then he just about went up the wrong stairs.

I laughed. Out loud. THEN he saw me.

Nothing like laughter to diffuse a would-be/could-be awkward first hello.

:) He was really cute. REALLY cute. I am a sucker for scruff. There was scruff. Blue is my favorite color. He was wearing blue. Tall is a must. He is nice and tall. Like, I could wear my tallest heals and he would still have a few inches on me tall. We sat at my kitchen table and talked while we waited for my brownies to be done cooking. He asked me if I have bad habits. The only things I could come up with were cracking my toes and going into weird voices with certain people. He told me his first reaction when he gets startled is violence. I got a kick out of that. Just the image of him slapping his sister and punching his dad in the stomach because they scared him cracked me up. We drove up the canyon and and talked some more. Things I noticed: we chew the same gum-NOT because I tasted it, but because I saw it in the cup holder, he is the tiniest bit shy, and for a boy, he is pretty clean!

Unfortunately for me, he has to work at 6am tomorrow morning so our evening was cut short.

Frickin A. Why did I wait so long to hang out with him?! 

Don't judge a book by it's cover kids.

(Unless it's a porn magazine. This type of book=a whore or male prostitute in people form.)

I'm going to hang out with him again real soon. Mark my words.


*Names have been changed
**Apparently these weird lines have been added too...? They are from copying and pasting from FB.    

I love to see the temple...

...I'll go inside someday...

I have been on a temple kick lately. 

Last night I was bored and went on a walk,

40 minutes later I was at the temple.

This morning I went up to the temple to do baptisms for the dead.

Who was the first person I saw when I walked in?

Elder Braeden Wilson.

He makes an adorable missionary!

We both got super excited when we saw each other :)

We greeted with a heartfelt handshake,

and talked for about 10 minutes.

As I was getting ready to leave, 

I saw a lady I recognized. 

As a general authority I'm sure you get stopped a lot.

I was slightly hesitant to say anthing 

because I didn't want to be one of 

THOSE

people. 

Especially since we were in the temple.

Buuuutttt...I cracked.

I walked up to her and said,

"Your Sister Beck right?"

Ha.

Why did I ask that...?

I don't know! I KNEW she was.

She smiled and said yes.

Then we talked. For quite a while!

She is such a gracious lady.

Anyway.

Temples are really neat.

...I'll covenant with my father I'll promise to obey.
Can't wait :)

This is one of those movie moments...

...where the hot girl says to the jerk boyfriend "Go ***fill in your favorite explitive*** yourself"

Is it a sign of maturity when you find that "that's what she said" jokes and vulgar/extremely over the line forward comments obnoxious? Because they are really starting to get on my nerves. Let me elaborate. My dates friend asked how my date on Thursday night went, and if we kissed. When I reported that no lip-locking occurred this is how the rest of our conversation went.

Boy: "We should totally make out ;) If ya want."

Me: "What makes you think you're any different than *Tony?" (Remember, I did NOT kiss Tony)

Boy: "I'm actually almost identical to Tony, but you feel like you know me better. So, let's make a baby!;)"**

Me: "You wish."

Boy: "Haha :) no actually I don't. I just felt like that moment called for an inappropriate baby makin comment :)"

Me: "Which you successfully inserted...congrats."

Boy: "Thanks :) I'm pretty good at inserting things. :D"

Me: "Oh...my...good one haha"

Boy: "Yeah. I hear that a lot :) But yeah, so wanna make out?"

*Name has been changed

** Some people take things too seriously, so I feel a clarification is necessary. He did not actually want to make a baby. That was his try at a joke. Or sexual innuendo. 

And that is when I did not text back. This conversation was not okay with me on soooo many levels. For starters, who do you think you are treating me like I'm some piece of meat?! Keep your hormones under control brah. Second of all, what happened to the bros before hoes rule? Your best friend didn't get some so now you are going to take a stab at it...? Down boy, down. If there are things in your life you like to share, great, but it's not going to be me. Lastly, this kid isn't even cute. He's not ugly by any means, but just not cute in my book. Who knows, maybe he has spent the last 19 years of his life building up the courage to say something so crass, but why bother. It's not sexy. It's actually not attractive at all. It's actually a MAJOR turn off. So, while this boy's tongue is wagging out of control in desperation, I am going to sit here. And while I sit, I am going to laugh at how sadly pathetic he is, and pray that I meet a decent man real soon. I know they are out there. 

I came home for one reason,
To go to the dentist.
They just called and cancelled.
Something about a family emergency...?
....UH....
You want an emergency?!
Talk to my empty gas tank.
I wish I could charge cancellation fees.
I would like a gas money reimbursement thank you very much.
My gas light turned on around the Sandy area.
The last 30 minutes of my drive was spent planning what I would do while stranded on the side of I-15
Panic-Cry-Call...? Not mom or dad, they are out of town-Cry some more-Take a pic and FB that shiz.

*This is not the "raw, real life, emotional" post I spoke of previously. It kind of fits though. This just happened to come up in the mean time.

this next one is going to be good. real life. raw. emotional.

I just have to go to sleep right now.

Haircut at 9 am.

Beauty Sleep takes precedence.

Dates.

I have 2 events I need a date for.

1: An end of summer celebration for my work (DC Tuxedos). This one has the potential to be the most awkward. EVERYONE (The owner+5 other employees) I work with are married, while I on the other hand am very single. All of these people are going to be lovey dovey, cutesy tootsie, gag gag gag, so I feel like I need to bring someone I am very comfortable with. Unfortunately for me, all the people who fall into that category haven't moved back to Provo yet. Unless I make a new best friend stat, I'm going to have to import the real bestie from Bountiful especially for the event.

2: I have tickets for the annual Legacy Club dinner with BYU head coach Bronco Mendenhall. Usually my mom and dad go, but they have an appointment elsewhere so the tickets were given to me. I have been once and it was a lot of fun! They feed you dinner, and then you get to hear Bronco talk about how the team is doing and his plans for the upcoming season. I think they open it up for questions and a few other people speak as well. And on top of it they give out free stuff. I could bring a girl, but something tells me this would be something a guy would like, no?

So. The moral of the story is I have 5 days to find 2 dates. Or 1 date who is lucky enough to go on 2 dates. Wish me luck. I thought asking on dates was the boys job....mer....


On the up side I have a date tomorrow with a new guy...
...on the downside he is not a BYU fan so that cancels him out for date option #2

For the first time EVER, I want a boyfriend. I'm not very good with words so I'm not going to try to explain why, but just know this is kind of a big deal. In high school I felt like it was a waste of time and the source of unnecessary drama. Now, it's a major source of longing and fanticization-made up word. I find myself swooning over sappy "love" songs for crying out loud.